Hi smellys!
I haven't wrote in God knows how long so I apologise for the major fail that is my writing haha! Oh and how cool am I?! First post in this section, get innnnnnn! Haha enough talking craaaaaaaap heres the SA!
My Last Goodbye.
Two years, six months, four days encounting. Yes, I still count the days since you walked away from me. From us. From everything. I say walked away, but that isn't strictly true..
Monday 21st February, 2011..
I switched on my computer, wondering where the hell my boyfriend was. I mean, I'd hardly saw him in the last week or so and after a slight bump in the road I was more than ready to put things back on track. I sat on 'Facebook' headphones in my ears and waited, hoped that you'd soon appear. Your friend, Harry was online. I asked for you, knowing you'd probably be with him and I got the answer I knew I would receive: yes. Am I seeing you tonight? I ask, hoping you'd stick to your promise that you'd see me every night this week. You appear to be different with me, and I just don't understand why. Do you not want to see me? I ask simply feeling slightly dissappointed that this was probably true. After a long paragraph later I begin to shake. Is this really happening? My parents ask me what is wrong but I just can't find the words in me to answer this question. What does this mean? I ask, not really wanting to know the truth and within a minute later-it was over. I didn't cry. I felt numb. How could you be such a coward? Why didnt you do it yourself? What have I done to deserve this? God only knows. I then go out with friends after, with one intention in mind. I need to drown my sorrows.
Still to this day I sit and wonder the reasons behind our seperation. Was I not good enough? Was there someone better? The answer to this was probably yes. I try and put the puzzle together, try to link the answers. But to this day and probably until the day I die. I will never know. The funny thing about our seperation, Danny is that you were the person I imagined building a future with. We both wanted children in future and you'd even asked me how I'd like someone to propose to me. We even spoke wedding details. All of this was a dream that was too daring to believe in. I never cry over you, I hardly ever did but I simply miss the memories. The way you'd sing a mushy song to me when it came on, the way you'd pull me close to you and tell me you loved me. That was probably a lie. I miss your family, they are the thing that I miss the most. I'd never met such loving, humorous people in my existance and I couldn't believe my luck that I got on with everybody! Except for the obvious, of course..
I know this is probably pointless, getting this down on paper but who knows what will happen to it? It could disolve into nothingness, like what I've turned out to be to you. Or you could find this and give me the answers I'm longing to hear. But that's just wishfull thinking. Reading this you'd probably think that I've been mourning over losing you but honestly that simply isn't true. At times I hate you but at other times I'm confused. How can you hate someone you was once in love with? That is something I can't quite understand. I do know you've made me feel worthless, you chose her over me. You chose the person who ruined everything for the person you was supposed to 'love' and you just cast it aside asif my feelings never mattered to you. You were perfect, you were everything I'd ever dreamed on and more. You treated me like a Princess at first. But you changed, true colours came shining through. They were colours I wish that I'd never saw. Let's cut this a long story short. I loved you, you hurt me, I lost you, and now? I pity the next girl who falls into your trap. One day karma will pay you a visit and I'm sorry I won't be there to see it. I know this is pointless, but it's how I feel whether you like it or not. I'm not breaking my heart over you and I never did, I just want to know why...
But I know, you know and everyone knows that I am not going to be getting my answers now or anytime soon for that matter. So I'm doing what I should of done a long time ago. I'm letting go of you. Forgetting that you exist. Danny? I know you probably did this a long time ago and you'd probably laugh reading this. But I'm telling you now this is my last goodbye to you. And that my not so amazing ex Boyfriend, is how it's going to stay.
Hope it wasnt too bad! Lovesss xxxxx
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Thu Mar 24, 2011 3:57 pm
